When we fix our eyes on Jesus, it's alot easier to trust. Our problem is that we inherently look at the storm around us. Peter is a great example of this. He got out of the boat and started to walk on water. WALK ON WATER! His problem wasn't that he was WALKING ON WATER it was that he took his eyes off Jesus and started looking at the storm around him. He was so focused on his momentary troubles that he couldn't see the miracle the Lord was working in him at that very moment. I think I've blogged about this in the past but lately I've been really digging through Scripture and finding the theme of God thriving in impossible situations. He doesn't just provide, He THRIVES. Something I read tonight in Romans really connected with me.
Romans 4:18-22
"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, " So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He has promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness."
And God came through!! He became the father of all the nations. How's that for a fulfillment of God's promises? I keep finding stories like this where when it seemed all hope was lost, God came through in a big big way. I've seen that happen in my own life. A situation that I had thought was completely hopeless, that would never be resolved, and impossible to reconcile, and yet last night, the healing process began. Better than I ever hoped. I mean look at the foundation of Christianity. We were HOPELESS. We could have no fellowship with God because of our sin and yet while we were still sinful, Christ freaking died for us!! I guess I'm just overwhelmed tonight by this. Right now so many things in my life look impossible. Jobs, finances, dreams, etc. I have no idea how they can ever work out because I can only see the little tiny spot in front of me. That spot is cloudy and messy but I keep seeing His faithfulness because He loves us. Oh how He loves.
He is jealous for me
loves like a hurricane
I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions
eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us so.
He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves
He is our portion and
He is our prize
Drawn to redemption
by the grace in His eyes
if His grace is an ocean
we're all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that He loves us.
Oh, how He loves us.
4.20.2009
4.16.2009
I dreamed a dream...
THIS blessed my heart in an extremely big way.
Watch the entire thing. You won't regret it.
Maybe it's because I can identify with her. Maybe it's because everyone is laughing at her as she shares her dreams. Maybe it's because she opens her mouth and you understand what it's like to dream about something so much it consumes you. Maybe it's because she's amazing. Maybe it's because the song seems to completely explain her life.
I'm not sure but all I know is that I literally wiped tears from my eyes. She's dreaming BIG dreams and taking a big risk. And it's about to pay-off.
Watch the entire thing. You won't regret it.
Maybe it's because I can identify with her. Maybe it's because everyone is laughing at her as she shares her dreams. Maybe it's because she opens her mouth and you understand what it's like to dream about something so much it consumes you. Maybe it's because she's amazing. Maybe it's because the song seems to completely explain her life.
I'm not sure but all I know is that I literally wiped tears from my eyes. She's dreaming BIG dreams and taking a big risk. And it's about to pay-off.
4.10.2009
God: 1 - Rachel: 0
I screamed at God this week. When I say, screamed I mean, SCREAMED. I was so angry that I was shaking. My mom called me Wednesday morning to talk about something and it was the last straw. Everything had been building up and eventually we just hung up on each other because we were both emotional. She called me back a few minutes later and by that point I was in tears. I tried explaining that it wasn't what she said that set me off but a combination of everything.
I did everything I was supposed to.
I got laid off TWICE in three months.
I made a commitment and gave it 110%.
I had PLANS.
I felt forgotten.
I felt rejected.
I felt alone.
I was mad at Toby and Amanda.
I was mad at Erika.
I was mad at him.
But really, I was mad at God.
My heart was grieving the loss of two jobs, the man I loved, and my (ex) best friend who not only deserted me when I needed her but severed EIGHT YEARS of friendship without so much as a simple phone call. Where was HE in all of this. Had I not suffered enough the last three years combined to bypass some of this pain? I just needed an ounce of hope. I needed SOMETHING to go right. That afternoon I went to apply for a restaurant job, because I still wasn't sure the status on another full time job that I've been interviewing for. The interview for this restaurant job was roughly 15 minutes and by the end of it I had the job. This job represented more than just a job, it represented a release of pressure. I wouldn't have to move back home, defeated. I wouldn't be a drain on my parents. I wouldn't be floundering in an unemployed state for another month. Hours after my temper tantrum, He provided. Ironically enough, less than 24 hours later, I was called in for a 5th and final interview with this company. I called my mom to tell her and was sort of laughing at the irony of the situation.
I WASN'T forgotten.
I WASN'T rejected.
I WASN'T alone.
I felt mildly sheepish at my petulant behavior...but I don't regret it, because there is nothing more vulnerable than the complete meltdown in front of the one you love. He still loves me in spite of the anger, frustration and words I throw at Him. I am not worthy of that kind of love.
Thank you, Lord, for the cross.
He has risen Indeed.
I did everything I was supposed to.
I got laid off TWICE in three months.
I made a commitment and gave it 110%.
I had PLANS.
I felt forgotten.
I felt rejected.
I felt alone.
I was mad at Toby and Amanda.
I was mad at Erika.
I was mad at him.
But really, I was mad at God.
My heart was grieving the loss of two jobs, the man I loved, and my (ex) best friend who not only deserted me when I needed her but severed EIGHT YEARS of friendship without so much as a simple phone call. Where was HE in all of this. Had I not suffered enough the last three years combined to bypass some of this pain? I just needed an ounce of hope. I needed SOMETHING to go right. That afternoon I went to apply for a restaurant job, because I still wasn't sure the status on another full time job that I've been interviewing for. The interview for this restaurant job was roughly 15 minutes and by the end of it I had the job. This job represented more than just a job, it represented a release of pressure. I wouldn't have to move back home, defeated. I wouldn't be a drain on my parents. I wouldn't be floundering in an unemployed state for another month. Hours after my temper tantrum, He provided. Ironically enough, less than 24 hours later, I was called in for a 5th and final interview with this company. I called my mom to tell her and was sort of laughing at the irony of the situation.
I WASN'T forgotten.
I WASN'T rejected.
I WASN'T alone.
I felt mildly sheepish at my petulant behavior...but I don't regret it, because there is nothing more vulnerable than the complete meltdown in front of the one you love. He still loves me in spite of the anger, frustration and words I throw at Him. I am not worthy of that kind of love.
Thank you, Lord, for the cross.
He has risen Indeed.
4.07.2009
Can't you just adore her?
I'm not going to tell you who wrote this song because you'll judge me. But if you really want to know, do some google-ing.
She likes chocolate in the morning
She drinks her coffee late at night
You can sense that she is guarded
But that's alright
She'll fall asleep while you're still talking
With unfinished books beside her bed
She'll cancel all of her appointments
And go shopping instead
And in spite of what is right
Far beyond what she expects
When the moon begs the question
Will you have the answer yet?
Can't you just adore her?
Oh, can't you just adore her?
She loves to watch the sunset
But she is partial to the rain
With those tears and that umbrella
Her allure goes unexplained
You made dinner in your apartment
You both assume that she'll be late
She always has the best intentions
'Cause her goodness is innate
And in spite of what is right
Far beyond what she expects
When the moon begs the question
Will you have the answer yet?
Can't you just adore?
Oh can't you just adore her?
I like chocolate in the morning
I drink my coffee late at night.
Please?
She likes chocolate in the morning
She drinks her coffee late at night
You can sense that she is guarded
But that's alright
She'll fall asleep while you're still talking
With unfinished books beside her bed
She'll cancel all of her appointments
And go shopping instead
And in spite of what is right
Far beyond what she expects
When the moon begs the question
Will you have the answer yet?
Can't you just adore her?
Oh, can't you just adore her?
She loves to watch the sunset
But she is partial to the rain
With those tears and that umbrella
Her allure goes unexplained
You made dinner in your apartment
You both assume that she'll be late
She always has the best intentions
'Cause her goodness is innate
And in spite of what is right
Far beyond what she expects
When the moon begs the question
Will you have the answer yet?
Can't you just adore?
Oh can't you just adore her?
I like chocolate in the morning
I drink my coffee late at night.
Please?
4.05.2009
Because the sun isn't shining and I can't go outside to play.
50 Things about me.
I know, I know, but I was planning on playing in the sunshine today and it's about to rain :( sad.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE: I think my mom just loved the name Rachel. My middle name was my grandmother's middle name. Although if I had been a boy I would have had the same name as my dad, grandfather and great grandfather.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This week? Haha.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? If I actually try to write nice, then yes but when I'm in a hurry it is really messy.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Hmm.... I'm a sucker for a turkey sandwich.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None of my own, but I've adopted all my friends' kids :)
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? That's what she said.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No actually. I haven't had them since I was 13.
9. WOULD YOU SKYDIVE? Ooh. Probably not. Since my brother's instructor died, I'm even more skeptical.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Nut Rice Chex, now that they are gluten free!!! hooray!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Rarely.
12. RANDOM THING ABOUT YOU? I'm afraid of bridges. I absolutely hate them.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. yum.
14 WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ? Normally their height.
15. BROWN OR BLACK? Both.
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Oh gosh. My big feet!!!
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? A relationship that ended unexpectedly.
18. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? yes. absolutely.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans with black and white converse.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The TV.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sunshine yellow.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? fall. boys' cologne. christmas trees. the smell right before / after it rains. my mom and dad. chocolate chips cookies in the oven. the ocean. snow.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My roommate.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU LIVE WITH? Yes... hannah is hilarious.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Hmm... in person? Basketball and football. Nothing on TV really.
27. HAIR COLOR? Blonde
28. EYE COLOR? Blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes - since the 5th grade.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Gluten-free granola and yogurt. Baja Burrito.
31. SAD OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I like movies that surprise you and are creative. They don't necessarily have to end happily.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Across the Universe. One of my FAVS!
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? A white and pink shirt with a black vest.
34 SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall. Fall is my fav.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? holding hands.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Gluten-free molten chocolate cake that I had on the cruise! if only i could find that somewhere!
37. IF YOU COULD MAKE A WISH? I would wish that I would get this job I really want.
38. WHAT (in general)BOTHERS YOU THE MOST? Bad spelling... I hate hate hate bad spelling and get super annoyed with myself if I spell things incorrectly.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? "Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed" - SO good.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Across the Universe.
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S): The blinker on my car. Thunderstorms. The ocean.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Hands down the Beatles.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Rome.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENTS? I can bake pretty well.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Downtown Chicago, right on Lakeshore Drive :)
47. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER MEET, PRESIDENT OBAMA OR GEORGE CLOONEY? President Obama.
48. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Let me know so I can go there!
49. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? LOST!! The Office, Arrested Development, KINGS, Make Me a Supermodel, Fringe. I like TV. I shouldn't but I do.
50. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? Travel. Help other people. Mentor young women. Get married and have a family. Get lots of dogs.
I know, I know, but I was planning on playing in the sunshine today and it's about to rain :( sad.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE: I think my mom just loved the name Rachel. My middle name was my grandmother's middle name. Although if I had been a boy I would have had the same name as my dad, grandfather and great grandfather.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This week? Haha.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? If I actually try to write nice, then yes but when I'm in a hurry it is really messy.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Hmm.... I'm a sucker for a turkey sandwich.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None of my own, but I've adopted all my friends' kids :)
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? That's what she said.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No actually. I haven't had them since I was 13.
9. WOULD YOU SKYDIVE? Ooh. Probably not. Since my brother's instructor died, I'm even more skeptical.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Nut Rice Chex, now that they are gluten free!!! hooray!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Rarely.
12. RANDOM THING ABOUT YOU? I'm afraid of bridges. I absolutely hate them.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. yum.
14 WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ? Normally their height.
15. BROWN OR BLACK? Both.
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Oh gosh. My big feet!!!
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? A relationship that ended unexpectedly.
18. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? yes. absolutely.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans with black and white converse.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The TV.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sunshine yellow.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? fall. boys' cologne. christmas trees. the smell right before / after it rains. my mom and dad. chocolate chips cookies in the oven. the ocean. snow.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My roommate.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU LIVE WITH? Yes... hannah is hilarious.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Hmm... in person? Basketball and football. Nothing on TV really.
27. HAIR COLOR? Blonde
28. EYE COLOR? Blue
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes - since the 5th grade.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Gluten-free granola and yogurt. Baja Burrito.
31. SAD OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I like movies that surprise you and are creative. They don't necessarily have to end happily.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Across the Universe. One of my FAVS!
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? A white and pink shirt with a black vest.
34 SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall. Fall is my fav.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? holding hands.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Gluten-free molten chocolate cake that I had on the cruise! if only i could find that somewhere!
37. IF YOU COULD MAKE A WISH? I would wish that I would get this job I really want.
38. WHAT (in general)BOTHERS YOU THE MOST? Bad spelling... I hate hate hate bad spelling and get super annoyed with myself if I spell things incorrectly.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? "Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed" - SO good.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Across the Universe.
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S): The blinker on my car. Thunderstorms. The ocean.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Hands down the Beatles.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Rome.
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENTS? I can bake pretty well.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Downtown Chicago, right on Lakeshore Drive :)
47. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER MEET, PRESIDENT OBAMA OR GEORGE CLOONEY? President Obama.
48. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Let me know so I can go there!
49. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? LOST!! The Office, Arrested Development, KINGS, Make Me a Supermodel, Fringe. I like TV. I shouldn't but I do.
50. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? Travel. Help other people. Mentor young women. Get married and have a family. Get lots of dogs.
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