Forbidden fruit.

I'm not going to lie. I often get mad at Adam and Eve for screwing up and bringing the curse of death upon us. But really when I think about how many MORE people would have been tempted along the way, I realize they were actually just the scapegoats for the inevitable. Satan was clearly determined to bring down mankind and would have continued his temptation regardless. Someone was bound to crack - why not the first people on earth? At least there is no pressure for their ancestors (read: every single person that walked this earth) not to screw up. Lately I've been struggling with the battle of flesh vs. spirit. Granted I know this battle will always exist but it seems rather persistent in it's nature as of late. Part of the problem (well... the answer) is that Romans 12:2 says not to be conformed to the world. This verse is a see-saw battle for me. There is something so attractive about the world. It has bright lights and shiny objects. It whispers promises of fulfillment and happiness. It fills up your mind with visions of greatness and perfection. Sometimes the attraction is so strong it is easy for me to forget that the bite of this apple will bring death. I struggle. I battle with seeing the world for the empty broken shell it is and not getting caught up in the materialism of it all.

I think the church does a really poor job of addressing the allure of the world. Sure - we as Christians understand and KNOW that all of these promises are empty and ultimately lead to death but in the heat of the moment, at our weakest point, all we can see is the deceptive beauty of the flickering lights. Maybe it is because our church leaders are so seasoned in their faith that the world's appeal is lackluster. But most likely not. Are we afraid to admit the appeal of the world's promises because it somehow invalidates our faith? I will be the first to admit there are MANY appealing things about living for the flesh. Denying the existence of these feelings or attractions only gives them power to fester in our souls and make them more elusive thus more appealing. I love C.S. Lewis' take on this whole thing in the Screwtape Letters. The demons always tell each other that they can only win the battle if they continue to make the humans live in apathy. Because God is truth once we start to questions things, we will be given wisdom to see the lies we are believing. Maybe I'm just using that example as an excuse for my child-like rebellion.

Another hard sell is that our reward for resisting temptation and not conforming is in heaven. Sometimes I wonder if when I stand before the throne I'll be talking to the Big Guy (i'm pretty sure He hates that term) and He'll be like - Oh, by the way, here's your reward for not indulging in ____ . And then He'll hand me a hershey bar except the hershey bar will be calorie free, because obviously heavenly chocolate won't make you gain weight. I know this may seem blasphemous but these are truly things I struggle with.

Anyways - these are just a friday mid-morning musing (yeaaah for alliteration!). I know I'm pretty inconsistent with this blog. I just don't feel like posting things unless I feel like they are relevant or (somewhat) interesting.

That's all.

the One who is stronger than the storm.

The sounds surrounding me remind me why I love my job. The demo of a new artist playing through the office speakers while the ice cream truck's familiar tone is quietly reminding me of years gone by. Such a clash of worlds. The place I've come from and the endless possibilities of where I'm headed. Today - is a good day. Today refreshes my spirit and keeps my passion alive. I honestly cannot imagine another job and the only other thing I'm as passionate about or even interested is something I feel called to, but not at this moment. I seriously wonder why my heart has the desires it does. What is the root of my desires? Where do they come from? Scripture talks about the heart being deceitful but also to guard it for it is the wellspring of life. I often feel I don't know my own heart. It tends to have a mind of it's own and runaway from me on numerous occasions. My inclination is to wander and romanticize adventures and lives I'm not living. How do I blend my dreams? They always seem to contradict each other. I was reminded today that He is stronger than the storm. Things in my life are fairly peaceful right now. For the moment being nothing is shaking my world (famous last words) except that my heart feels like it is a hurricane of a storm. My emotions go back and forth day to day trying to convince me of one thing or another. My circumstances seem so much bigger than the One who orchestrated my life. This one blip of time is just that - a blip. Ultimately my goal in life is to bring glory to God. Besides selling all my worldly possessions and packing up for Africa, how do I do that? How do I bring glory to God in my job, my relationships, my finances? I've finally surrendered my desire and urge to get married when I'm 23. I have SO many adventures I want to lead. And these very adventures make me afraid that I will spend my time roving the earth searching for contentment in my nomad like lifestyle that I'll lose my chance to get married and raise a family. A calling I still feel. I want my story to look like everyone else's. Logical. At least in my mind their stories are logical. I'm starting to feel bigger than the story being written in Nashville. Is this an arrogant assumption of my own worth or a calling to bigger things? Where do I begin to sort through these things? My first reaction is to blow off the desires because they involve so much 'self' and 'ego.' I'm afraid that if I pursue them it will be for my benefit only. This is something the Lord has opened the doors for - and as of late the doors have been shut but not locked. Daily I'm talking myself down from the ledge of doing something spontaneous and irrational - like picking up life and moving to a foreign country just for the hell of it. Gah. All these thoughts swirling about in my brain. I just need to stop and run to my Savior. Sort the pieces out with Him. I need a Jesus date and tonight looks like the perfect night to have one.

Any advice to stop the storm?