Happy New Year :)
I know I'm way late on this blog. My days have been consumed with poopy diapers, black eyes (note to self: a two year old and a drum stick as a "sword" are never a good combo. see: my face.), puke, sinus infections, snow days, tears, laughter, Go Dog Go, and immense joy. I started my new job two weeks ago and while the hours are long (12 hours+), I absolutely love it. Every piece. Even when I was cleaning up a 6 year-old's recently eaten mac n cheese, my heart had nothing but compassion for this poor sick little boy. It is everything I never knew I needed. The Lord has provided down to the tiniest details. Financially, emotionally, physically - it is better than I could have hoped. I fall in love with these precious kids more every day. Sometimes I want to tear my hair out, but I'm asking for a gentle heart and patience. Oh Lord grant me infinite patience :) I just want these kids to know they are loved. Not only by me but by their Creator. They need to know that He desires them above anything else and nothing they can ever do or say can change that. This is BY FAR the hardest job I have ever done. It's weird because taking care of 5 kids doesn't seem like it would be that hard of a job but it is an entirely different mindset. I've had to keep my heart in check so many times because this job would humble even the proudest of warriors. I have an entirely new respect for mothers and their ability to raise children. No one prepares you for how hard it can be.
I'm also seeing the changes in my heart and my spirit. I am content. So content and so happy to just be doing life with these people. I miss them on my days off, when I'm away. More than anything else, I've seen how faithful the Lord really is. My heart is so bad at remembering His goodness even though I have a written word I can turn to, to see thousands of years of faithfulness. He knew exactly when my heart needed out. From Day 1 my prayer was for protection. Sometimes protection comes in very very unexpected and sometimes painful ways. It hurt like hell. I don't blame anyone. Not even myself. Until I came to a place of saying, "yes, You are enough and even though I don't think my life is going to turn out this way, You will still be enough even if it does" I couldn't drink from the depths of His healing. Until I was utterly reliant on who He is, I couldn't know the power of His mercy. There was so much about this experience that changed my walk with the Lord. And to be honest, I wouldn't go back to the way things were. I know that every moment where I have been is exactly where I needed to be and I wouldn't change a second. Even to spare the pain.
Anyways - this blog is starting to get full of cliches. It's late and I have lots to do on my day off, plus I am fighting an AWFUL sinus infection. I honestly don't remember the last time I was this sick for so long. This thing has hung on for at least 10 days and I'm barely able to smell, taste or hear things again.
Things I am completely loving:
Tea
DVR
Brooke Fraser
"Single Ladies" - Beyonce
LOST coming back in 3 days
The nanny cottage
John Adams HBO Special
Season 2 of Big Love
Criminal Minds(!!!!)
Lotion Kleenex
Rosebud Salve
Things I NEED to see or do:
Slumdog Millionaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Revolutionary Road
Hot Yoga
also. I flushed Caspian and Jabez today. It was really really sad.
that's all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
