Ugly Betty

This might be the most relatable show on television right now. Jason Mraz even wrote a song about it called "The Beauty in Ugly." I mean let's be honest, we ALL have been the most awkward or most vulnerable in a situation at some point right?

I got into "Ugly Betty" when it first debuted. I was a little skeptical about it's potential but thought I'd at least try it because I was intrigued. Basically, this awkward, curvy, Hispanic girl starts working at Mode Magazine (ok, Mode - Vogue? really?). She is surrounded by the most beautiful, popular people in New York City and is ridiculed every single episode by one person or another. In fact her boss even humiliates her on her first day. She is determined to stick it out because she is so confident in who she is. I got hooked into it. I saw soooo much of myself in Betty. Her sweet, eager nature, wanting to please everyone and withstanding ridicule in this workplace surrounded by the most beautiful people paralleled my own life. This past Thursday's episode struck a little too close to my heart. Betty starts getting a crush on her cute musician neighbor named Jesse. He is so sweet to her and she starts to mistake his kindness as interest. She accidentally promises that his band can play at the Mode party. He is so excited and calls her a snow day. Which okay- sidenote- as cheesy as that is, I think it might be one of the most creative compliments I've heard on television. Who DOESN'T love a snow day?! Anyways - back at work she tells her boss she told Jesse his band could perform which is a problem because Mode has already booked Mariah Carey. Oops. So basically Betty throws this huge afterparty just so Jesse's band can play at a Mode function. Jesse dedicates a song to her and she's completely head over heels. She runs down to find him and proclaim her love for him when she walks in on her roommate (and a Mode assistant) Amanda kissing Jesse. Amanda is tall, blonde, thin and beautiful. Betty runs out and eventually her boss finds her sitting outside crying. A conversation ensues where she tells Daniel that Jesse told her she was beautiful and it was foolish to assume he would have ever meant she was beautiful on the outside as well as the inside. She chokes out the phrase, "It's okay, I'm okay with who I am..." that part really struck me because through the tears you can hear the unshakeable confidence. Regardless of how many times the people around her call her fat, unattractive, ridiculous, or she is rejected for the prettier girl, she has no regrets in who she is. That scene has been replaying in my head over and over. Sometimes I wish I was confident enough in who I am to take the rejection and still be okay with who I am. Everytime my heart gets thrown back at me, I go to drastic measures (i.e. dying my hair, piercing something, etc) but it doesn't ease the ache. I was made fun of alot when I was in school. I spent many lunches in the bathroom, eating by myself just wishing to avoid the teasing. It was so bad by the time I got to seventh grade that we made the decision for me to skip a grade and change schools. It didn't get much better in high school. The first public school I went to I was pretty much ignored which I think I liked better than being made fun of. In fact, in my English class one kid looked at me and asked if I was new. This was in November. After three months of sitting in front of him, he had JUST noticed me. I patiently told him over and over I wasn't new and that I had been there since August. Regardless, I still got tagged with the nickname "New Girl" which didn't bother me nearly as much as the things people said to me at my private school. When I moved to Colorado, I also sat in the bathroom and ate lunch but it was because I was new and was overwhelmed not because people hated me.

While most of those things were said to me when we were all young and immature (and I know I said some horrible things as well) they are the words that come back to haunt me sometimes. The enemy's voice singing over me in the form of memories. As I get older I'm learning to fight back and be okay with who I am and day by day it gets a little easier. Once a week I see someone (as fictional as she may be) who is in a worse place than I am and I'm reminded I'm not alone.

She's so big hearted
but not so remarkable
just an ordinary humble girl
expecting nothing as we're made to think
it's a pretty person's world

but you are beautiful and you better go show it
go look again - you gotta be true to your own
if you really wanna go to the top
do you really wanna win?
don't believe in living normal just to satisfy demand.