Supermassive Black Hole

Um, where was I when the Muse train came through?? Apparently not interested in good music. This song is on a soundtrack that I recently purchased and I'm obsessed with it. There is something so freaking addicting in the production! I did a little bit of googling and found out that they are from the UK. Go figure. Reason # 9283723783 I need to move to London.

First off - an update about my little hospital visit.

I'm fine. Still in a bit of pain (actually it's worse at night, not sure I can make it to DC's party tonight, ang...). Tuesday night I started having really sharp stomach pains. It got worse as the night went on and finally about 3 the next day I decided to head to the urgent care clinic. They ran some tests and found out I had a pretty bad infection so the pain was most likely from that but because of where I hurt, she wanted to send me to the Emergency Room anyways to make sure it wasn't my appendix. Five hours later, I emerged with a final diagnosis of an infection and my appendix was given a clean bill of health. So all in all the ER wasn't necessary though it did give me peace of mind.

There - that said.

The reason I wanted to blog was to relieve some stress. While I am oh so excited for Thanksgiving (and almost a week at home) I'm also dreading it a little bit because that means it's almost Christmas which means I'm almost out of full time work. Ugh. I've spent the last three hours perusing jobs on various websites, sending off resumes and getting more and more frustrated. All of you who have applied for jobs can attest to this I'm sure, the most frustrating part of the entire process is when potential employers don't respond at all. Most of my inquiries have been just that, inquiries to see if they are even hiring, I've given up on attaching my resume because I'm afraid it will get lost in spam. I mean really, if I'm going to the trouble of looking into your company and tailor a letter just for you, at least have common decency to take two minutes and tell me you aren't hiring. Out of 20 companies I think I've gotten two maybe three responses saying they aren't hiring. I can take that, the uncertainty is what kills me. This has been the least fun season in a looonngg time. I've also noticed my heart has been resentful at alot of things. I'm starting to resent Nashville. I'm afraid I'm going to be trapped here. So many people have told me how excited they are for me - for the opportunities that will come, but all I can see is the empty abyss of part time work with no end in sight. I'm angry that I'm trying something completely different and I'm not getting any results. I'm angry that I begged the Lord to give me a distraction BEFORE He started dating someone. BEGGED. But no - I'm FREAKING ALONE while he's ready to propose. Why? Why do I always fall for the guy right before he finds the girl he wants to marry. It's a sick sick joke and it makes me so mad that I'm forgotten. I know this sounds so self-centered and petty. *sigh* sorry. word vomit.

Everything in my life seems so upside down. I can't find stable ground and it seems so hopeless. I try and try and try but no results. I don't know why everything is so silent. I HATE seasons of silence.

geesh, I'm all over the place. must be the pain.

alright, Fido. you've been good to me. thanks for the free wi-fi and the way too expensive (and hot!) cup of tea. and cute guy to my left, you can totally call me sometime.

that's all.