Captivating.

In high school I read alot of books and wrote papers on courtship versus dating. I was genuinely curious about this topic as the whole I Kissed Dating Goodbye phenomenon hit right about the time I was entering the ranks of "dating." Hindsight being 20/20 I see now that most of my curiosity was an attempt to cover my fears of never getting chosen. It didn't lessen the blows of rejection at all, but it was a good mask for the public.

The fall of my sophomore year, my heart was shattered. Again - old news. After several weeks of wallowing I did what most girls do when they get their hearts broken. I took myself to Claire's and got a piercing. I also dyed my hair dark. I didn't want to see a trace of the girl that got her broken. I put up a rough exterior and tried to forget his sweet face. Part of this "change" was that I swore off dating for an entire year. I know - so big :) For me, it was. I vowed to give up all boys until the following October. I made it until February - but I digress. The day I "swore off boys" I went to a bookstore and happened to see a copy of a new book called Captivating. I picked it up, mildly interested and decided to give it a try. What happened through that book was alot of self-searching, pain, tears and finally freedom. In Captivating, Staci and John Elderidge talk about the mystery of the heart of a woman bringing out the man in men. I sort of understood what they were saying. Up until that point I had never really seen any of my friends fall into TRUE love. Even as I went through the next two years and my friends started getting married, I was never close enough with the guy to see how she changed everything about him just because she was secure in being a woman. Awhile back I found out one of my guy friends was getting the girl he was dating flowers. "Stay away from carnations" was my internal thought as soon as I found out. Not wanting to meddle, I kept my mouth shut. Then tonight when I was running on the treadmill (some point between breathing and not breathing) I finally understood what everyone meant when they say that a woman content in who she is has the power to bring out and enable men to be men. This girl, the way she lives her life, holds her head, smiles, pursues Jesus and loves those around her, allows him to be the man God created him to be. To pursue the way he was intended to pursue. She has for lack of a better term - Captivated him.

It was such a beautiful moment of realization. I'm amazed that it was this particular guy friend. He was the least likely person to ever teach me (unknowingly) this lesson. Anyways.

Big things are happening in my world. Things that I haven't fully yet processed but are terrifying and thrilling. Throughout this time my rational side is urging my irrational side to just do one thing. Remember. Remember the deeds of the Lord. He is compassionate, merciful, loving, and faithful.

My pastor has been speaking the last few months on Exodus. It's an amazing series. You can check it out here

One of the post powerful statements I've ever heard is this.

(In Reference to idols in our lives we might not know about)

"You will know if something is an idol by the way you react when it is taken away from you."

wow. If only you knew how powerful those words were days before things changed. God is intentional and not surprised. There is so much comfort in that.



When the world has fallen out
from under me
I'll be found in you.

Still Standing