Jesus, you are enough.

Six months ago I found myself being asked a really tough question...

am I enough?

What those three little words did to change my world. I wrestled and pleaded and tearfully asked the Lord to forgive me when I didn't have an answer. And when the answer came, in the still quiet whisper, I rejoiced and felt confident that He was enough. I wanted Jesus more than my dream job, more than the man I had loved for a year, friends to walk through life with me, or financial stability. I just wanted Him. Knowing that and truly believing it with every fiber of my being allowed me to be free. I threw off the anxiety and trusted that He knew my needs better than I did. When I finally got to that place, pieces started to fall into place. My foundations were solid, the ground was firm, and my heart knew that whatever the cost, whatever the future held, I knew I was loved beyond anything I could ever imagine.

you did it for me
you did it for love
it's your victory,
Jesus, you are enough

I can't even begin to tell you how quickly the things I desired happened. I got an amazing job in a few days, dear friends soon followed, the pain of a shattered heart soon lessened and began to heal, and for the first time in my life I wasn't scraping by. Things were still hard and as life goes, I soon hit another rough patch, but it wasn't nearly as devastating as the first time. I leaned hard into Christ and saw Him show up. Because that's what He does - He shows up. Lately I've noticed thoughts and patterns in my life that aren't what I want them to be. My brain latches onto an idea or an attitude and I run with it. So far that I can't pull myself back. I've wrestled with this forever, especially when it comes to guys I like. My behavior can be so hot and cold. I feel so sorry for them because 90% of the time they have no idea what they've done. I've tried alot of things to take these thoughts captive and really live in freedom and not in death but so far nothing has helped. As I was having a quiet time the other day, I just kept coming back to the concept of resting in who He is and what He's promised to do. It hit me like a ton of bricks - just because I told Jesus He was enough six months ago doesn't mean I still believe it today. Daily I need to take up His cross. Daily, hourly, every second of the day, with every breath, He needs to be enough. I have totally lost sight of that. I hate the behavior in me. I hate the crazy / jealous / manipulative / sinful woman I can be!! He always needs to be enough. Regardless of my circumstances. I need to do a better job of remembering.


God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything