How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me.

Its like a book elegantly bound
but in a language you can't read, just yet.
You've gotta spend some time, love. You've gotta spend time with me.

Are you kidding me? I thought "Such Great Heights" was one of the best songs probably written but the new Death Cab For Cutie single, "I Will Possess Your Heart" is freaking unbelievable. If you haven't heard it, stop reading this and go download it on iTunes. Amazing.

Anyways.

Graduation is 3 weeks from tomorrow. I feel so unprepared. Like all of a sudden it snuck up on me. I have a sinking feeling that I haven't done something or haven't fulfilled some requirement and I'm going to get onstage and they are going to deny me a diploma. Oh gosh. How embarrassing would THAT be? I'm so excited to be joining Chris full time at the company. I completely believe in and support our artists and what Chris is doing. I am SO blessed to have this job. I know I gush about it alot but its truly my dream job. I think all the changes have made me a little scared. I'm trying to trust in, "so do not fear, you are more valuable than many sparrows." (Matthew 10:31). So much change and so much responsibility. For the first time in my life I'm completely on my own. I'm really afraid of failing. That's probably been my biggest fear is failure or letting my parents down. I know my own weaknesses and shortcomings better than anyone else and while others have confidence in me, I tend to not see any of the good they do. I also need to remember that is scary and uncertain season is just that. A season. I know He is in the details. But because I'm human and sinful I question how the details work out. When I have quiet nights like tonight my brain tends to freak out and overreact. I'll think myself into a tizzy and convince myself that I should just move back to Colorado Springs and move back into my parent's house... or marry some random Joe Shmoe off the street for security. I'm constantly fighting the battle to pursue best and wait for the Lord to reveal himself in big ways. I'm scared to commit to a financial gift to a church. I want to do it but I'm scared. I still feel so young in so many ways but also so old. Where is the happy medium? :)

I'm always learning when it comes to you. I think I have You figured out one minute and then You go and do something to completely blow my mind and change my opinion. Things feel better in my life when You speak truth into my soul. I need someone to call me out of my BS, make me strive for excellence as a woman and not just as a friend, sister, and daughter. You stir my heart in a completely different way. I feel sorry for the one who has to measure up to You.


i can't do this.
i can't do this
i can't do this by myself
i can't do this
i can't do this
i can't do this, oh God I need Your help.


i'm yours.


ps. I lit my kitchen on fire today. it's a long story...