I have a love affair with Cadbury Eggs...

It's true. Somehow ( It was probably the Lord protecting me) I missed out on Cadbury eggs up until this year. I was sick a few weeks ago, ventured out to get some Gatorade and on a whim, bought a Cadbury egg. It made me feel a bit better and since that day I get random cravings for them. Praise the Lord they are seasonal :)

Things have been interesting in my life as of late. I feel discouraged. Discouraged at my lack of discipline, at the state of my heart, at the depravity of my spirit and of my inability to be perfect. Yesterday I got a flat tire and it set me off. I proceeded to have about a 90 minute temper tantrum railing on why things are so bad in my life. As I look back with a clear mind I'm ashamed of my behavior but also content to sit in this season. I've realized the Lord is doing alot of refining in my life. Cutting away the dead...as anyone can attest, the removal of sin is not a comfortable process. I begged the Lord to leave me in this season until I finally learn my lesson. You see, I've felt moments of this refinement, but had yet to feel the full effects. It's like putting your hand closer and closer to the fire. You think you can manage until you realize your hand is consumed with flames and the pain is unbearable. For the first time in my life, really, I've seen the grit of my sin. My pride, arrogance, my lack of faith, my disobedience, my rebellion, my anger and judgement... I could go on forever. Never has so much been revealed to me. I've been going through a study called The Pursuit of Holiness with some amazing women from Grace. At the beginning I was hoping just to gain some new friendships from this weekly gathering. Instead, my life has been radically changed. I now realize that I have a choice. I can choose to be discouraged and realize that I'll never be good enough and sit in my sin. Or--I can realize I will never be good enough and choose to stand up in Christ and fight the battle. For now, I'm sitting. As much as I hate to admit this, as much as my heart is repulsed by my sin and craves Holiness, my flesh is winning the battle. The enemy's words are singing over me, whispering softly into my ear. Songs so loud they drown out my Father's words. Everywhere I seek counsel I am being told to immerse myself in Scripture, to pursue it, hide it in my heart, hold onto it so I can chose obedience instead of disobedience.

As much as I hate this season, and truly truly hate it, I know that greatness will come from it. I'm excited to see how my faith grows and my perspective changes once the Lord releases me from this particular season. He is good. He is in control. He has not cast the stone...I am free.

The father of lies
Coming to steal, kill and destroy
all my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying
Cursed are the ones who can't abide-
He's right.
Allelujah
He's right.

The devil is preaching, the song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing Accusation

Could the father of lies
be telling the Truth
of God to me tonight
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine

I hear him saying
Cursed are the ones who can't abide-
He's right.
Allelujah
He's right.

The devil is preaching, the song of redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray

I cannot gain salvation.


Oh the devil's singing over me
An age old song
That I am Cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently over me
But he's forgotten the refrain...

Jesus saves.