This could be the very minute I'm aware I'm alive.

My spirit was made to wander. There is nothing more exciting to me than packing up my suitcase, jumping in a van, bus, plane, train, whatever, and taking off for places unknown. I think it's because I'm certain that I'm missing out on something better somewhere else. Sometimes I wonder if the longing of my heart to be a gypsy will ever cease. Will I ever want to put down roots and be content with where I am? Especially now - with things being so unstable and uncertain, I just want to traipse across the world and see it all. We moved and traveled so much when I was a kid that it just seems natural to change my surroundings often. I miss it. I miss seeing the world with my family. I know I've said this before but I never thought my life would turn out the way that it has. I literally have no plan for what's next. Just when I think I'm about to get back on track, I get thrown another curveball. It's starting to wear me down. How much longer do I have to endure the rejection and the disappointment? His faithfulness I am certain of, but it's the timing that has me questioning. Do I remain in this place forever? Is this my wilderness? The longings of my heart aren't being fulfilled - is it because my longings aren't what's best for my life? So many questions and never any answers.

I feel like I fall in love with a new job every day. This one, I tell myself, this one is different... it's special. I want to shout from the world my passion and excitement about the thought of this and yet my fragile heart fears to be disappointed. I don't want any job, I want THE job. I want the job that I can give my life to - that will make a difference in the world - that will combine my passions and my strengths. I want to care for the widows and orphans and I want to use music to do that. But how? How can I move this impossibly big mountain in front of me? Is THIS the job or am I just making myself fall in love again?

Why do I feel like I'm climbing a mountain and not getting anywhere?

"...because of the Lord, who is faithful, the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you... Though she may forget, I will not forget you." - Isaiah 49