Can't you just adore her?

I'm not going to tell you who wrote this song because you'll judge me. But if you really want to know, do some google-ing.


She likes chocolate in the morning
She drinks her coffee late at night
You can sense that she is guarded
But that's alright


She'll fall asleep while you're still talking
With unfinished books beside her bed
She'll cancel all of her appointments
And go shopping instead

And in spite of what is right
Far beyond what she expects
When the moon begs the question
Will you have the answer yet?

Can't you just adore her?
Oh, can't you just adore her?

She loves to watch the sunset
But she is partial to the rain
With those tears and that umbrella
Her allure goes unexplained

You made dinner in your apartment
You both assume that she'll be late
She always has the best intentions
'Cause her goodness is innate

And in spite of what is right
Far beyond what she expects
When the moon begs the question
Will you have the answer yet?

Can't you just adore?
Oh can't you just adore her?


I like chocolate in the morning
I drink my coffee late at night.


Please?

Because the sun isn't shining and I can't go outside to play.

50 Things about me.

I know, I know, but I was planning on playing in the sunshine today and it's about to rain :( sad.



1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE: I think my mom just loved the name Rachel. My middle name was my grandmother's middle name. Although if I had been a boy I would have had the same name as my dad, grandfather and great grandfather.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? This week? Haha.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? If I actually try to write nice, then yes but when I'm in a hurry it is really messy.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Hmm.... I'm a sucker for a turkey sandwich.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None of my own, but I've adopted all my friends' kids :)

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? That's what she said.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No actually. I haven't had them since I was 13.

9. WOULD YOU SKYDIVE? Ooh. Probably not. Since my brother's instructor died, I'm even more skeptical.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Nut Rice Chex, now that they are gluten free!!! hooray!

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Rarely.

12. RANDOM THING ABOUT YOU? I'm afraid of bridges. I absolutely hate them.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. yum.

14 WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ? Normally their height.

15. BROWN OR BLACK? Both.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Oh gosh. My big feet!!!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? A relationship that ended unexpectedly.

18. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? yes. absolutely.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans with black and white converse.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The TV.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sunshine yellow.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? fall. boys' cologne. christmas trees. the smell right before / after it rains. my mom and dad. chocolate chips cookies in the oven. the ocean. snow.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My roommate.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU LIVE WITH? Yes... hannah is hilarious.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Hmm... in person? Basketball and football. Nothing on TV really.

27. HAIR COLOR? Blonde

28. EYE COLOR? Blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes - since the 5th grade.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Gluten-free granola and yogurt. Baja Burrito.

31. SAD OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I like movies that surprise you and are creative. They don't necessarily have to end happily.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Across the Universe. One of my FAVS!

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? A white and pink shirt with a black vest.

34 SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall. Fall is my fav.

35. HUGS OR KISSES? holding hands.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Gluten-free molten chocolate cake that I had on the cruise! if only i could find that somewhere!

37. IF YOU COULD MAKE A WISH? I would wish that I would get this job I really want.

38. WHAT (in general)BOTHERS YOU THE MOST? Bad spelling... I hate hate hate bad spelling and get super annoyed with myself if I spell things incorrectly.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? "Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed" - SO good.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Across the Universe.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S): The blinker on my car. Thunderstorms. The ocean.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Hands down the Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Rome.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENTS? I can bake pretty well.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Downtown Chicago, right on Lakeshore Drive :)

47. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER MEET, PRESIDENT OBAMA OR GEORGE CLOONEY? President Obama.

48. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Let me know so I can go there!

49. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? LOST!! The Office, Arrested Development, KINGS, Make Me a Supermodel, Fringe. I like TV. I shouldn't but I do.

50. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? Travel. Help other people. Mentor young women. Get married and have a family. Get lots of dogs.

Gonna fix the world up for you.

I want to move mountains for you.

I want your happiness before I want my own.

I want your dreams to become a reality.

I want you to see the good in the world because I love you.

I want to be the best I can be because you believe in me.

I will love you fiercely.

I will love you selflessly.

I will be loyal to you above anyone.

I will bake you cookies for no reason.

I will write you notes so you will feel cherished.

I will never forget you.

I will always encourage you to love Christ more than you love me.

I will encourage your bromances.

I will let the boys come over and play video games / poker / smoke cigars and leave you alone.

I will always respect you.

I will always be honest with you.

I will always lean on you.

I will always be there for you to lean on.


Whoever you are, I hope you know I'm already crazy about you.

Let it be me.

Sometimes the pieces of my life are messy and sharp. It takes me by surprise when I go to pick them up and they cut my hand. They shouldn't hurt, but they do. I never thought life would end up like this. I stayed on the straight and narrow. I followed the path I was supposed to follow. All I want to do is throw my hands up in the air and scream "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!" Someone told me today that they were disappointed in me. I know he was tired and I'm emotional but it hurt worse than anything else. Cut me some slack! I'm twenty - two! I'm doing the best I can. I know I screwed up and I'm going to have to live with the consequences. I.get.it. What I need is support from you - not your condemnation. When it hurts I want to hide. I want to retreat into myself, shut off the lines of communication and stay away from the world. If they can't find me, it won't hurt. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I'm tired of being hurt.

Please, choose me.

You're breaking into my heart - and I'm letting you.

Dear heart,

Please don't break.

If you go, the rest of the pieces are going to come crashing down.

I know you fear the uncertain and that fear can make you manipulative, jealous, and insecure. Find your security in Him, not him. If you really trust that He is sovereign in every area of your life, you have to let go. You have to be vulnerable and open the fortress that surrounds you. The fortress that not only keeps everyone out, but keeps you in. It's going to hurt. It always does. The fear of the pain cannot dictate the relationships in your life.

Knock the walls down.
One at a time.
Break free.
Feel the sun.
And breathe.
Just. breathe.


Oh what a beautiful view, if you were never aware of what was around you.

Yours,

Rachel

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?

Any of you who have known me for a little while know that my family has walked through some painful stuff the last few years. I was on the phone with my mom yesterday and she asked me how I was doing. I think she secretly expects me to fall apart like I did in the fall, so every few days she calls me and asks me the hard questions. Anyways, I told her I was doing surprisingly well. So well in fact I thought there was something wrong because regardless of my circumstances, I'm happy for the first time in a long time. I cautiously said those words and told her my heart felt fear admitting I was happy because whenever things seem to be going smoothly, devastation immediately follows, or least it has for the last three years. It's almost like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It made me briefly reflect on how far we have come as a family and how far I have come as a young woman. I also realized that I spend so much of my life, especially in the painful seasons, with my eyes shut. My knuckles so tight they are white, my teeth clenched and my eyes refusing to see anything. I hold my breath and count to ten hoping it's over. What I miss in that moment is the beauty of the refinement process. Yes, it hurts. Yes, if I refuse to breathe and open my eyes to world around me, I might feel it a fraction less. But if I just surrender to the pain, surrender to the moments of weakness, insecurity and vulnerability, I can begin to heal faster. In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader Eustace turns into a dragon because of his selfishness and greediness. He is miserable after he can't shed his dragon skin. When he's off by himself, he meets Aslan and begs Aslan to help him. Aslan tells him there is a cure, but it is going to be painful. Eustace agrees to endure it. Aslan takes his claws and slowly begins to tear away the scales from Eustace's skin.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel away."

How I've felt that pain - the excruciating pain that seems like it will never end. I can only imagine the tears the Father has for us as He peels away at our sin and removes the grit from our lives. When He welcome Him into that journey, we must expect that He is going to remove the hard, scaly exterior to get us to the person He created us to be. My challenge now is to keep my eyes open. How much more will I learn if I can only open my eyes a fraction more.


Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

I get by with a little help from my friends.

I have felt enormously blessed the last week. I had a dear friend ask me last night how I was feeling about life on a scale of 1-10 and I told him I was an 8.5 or a 9. He was shocked, rightly so because I had just told him I parted ways with the family I've been nannying for. But this isn't mainly about that, it's a note of gratitude for my amazing friends.

Thank you.

To all of you who prayed with me, in person, over the phone, spoke words of encouragement, made me laugh, empathized with me, and listened to me rant and rave (for a long time). Never once have I felt physically alone in this season like I did last time. I see Christ in each and every one of you - burning in such a bright way that no one can deny. There aren't even words to express the depth of my gratitude. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I owe all of you a batch of cookies :)

On that same note, you all know I'm unemployed with literally no back up plan. So I'm asking you to keep your ears open and let me know if you hear of anything. At this point, I'm willing to do anything :)


"I thank my God everytime I remember you."